And that if she says yes to something and then, in the midst of it, begins to wish she had said no, it’s never too late to do so. And for good measure, even though she’s promised you she won’t be party to this childishness again, remind her that she always has the option of saying no to friends who ask her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, and anything that feels even vaguely “sketchy” to her. If your child isn’t interested in doing any of this, let it go. You might also consider suggesting to your daughter that she offer Maya this advice: why not talk to the therapist about how much she hates therapy?

While refusing to see a therapist is going to be a nonstarter (surely there is a reason her parents have gone down this path), requesting a different therapist, if this one is not a good fit, is not beyond reason. If your daughter is up for it, she might urge Maya to speak frankly to her parents about how she feels about the therapist. (I say “may” because there are circumstances-when the parents themselves may be a danger to the child-when relaying confidential information to a struggling child’s parents will do harm, not good.) But Maya’s letting her friend listen in on a therapy session does not constitute a danger to her-it only demonstrates immature judgment (and the girls are 12, so expecting consistent maturity is a losing proposition). If a friend of your child’s is engaged in dangerous behavior, intervening to help keep her safe-even if it means betraying your own child’s trust, and being responsible for a rift between the children when the friend learns that her trust has been violated-may be in order. It is not your place to discuss this with Maya’s parents. You not only can do nothing more, you should do nothing more. And Maya may feel that my child broke trust with her, by telling me. If I tell them, my child will feel like I broke her trust and might be less likely to tell me things in the future.

But I’m sure Maya’s parents would like to know that this happened. Do I have a duty to inform Maya’s parents (or take some other action)? I think the kids have some right to share what they want to share with each other, and the therapist is the one who is not supposed to break confidentiality. My daughter has assured me that she won’t participate in invited eavesdropping again, and I’m confident she’ll say no if asked. (It was only after this that she offered the backstory of their previous conversations-including Maya’s request that she listen in.) I sort of wish I didn’t know that.” My child clearly already knew this was somewhat sketchy behavior, and she abruptly ended the call. Yeah, that’s supposed to be confidential. She called me during it so I can listen, so I can hear for myself how bad it is.” I’m pretty sure I looked surprised and said something like, “Oh, my. Then suddenly she muted the phone and told me: “Maya’s in a therapy session right now. My daughter was on the phone with Maya, looking very intent as she listened-she wasn’t speaking at all. I saw it happening, though I didn’t understand what was going on at first.

After my daughter told her that she hadn’t liked therapy either when she “had to go,” Maya did something questionable. My 12-year-old daughter’s friend “Maya” was complaining to her about how much she disliked going to therapy and how she disliked her therapist. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column.

Slate care and feeding